Choose Your Batles

I don't understand why we have to fight. We can choose the route of peace, but yo consistent pick conflict. And just as much as you want to fight, you want me to fight you, you're conditioned for war, for the war is your life, the fight is your life.

But not me. I don't have to fight. The fight means nothing to me. Surely, for you, the preception is that the fight means everything, but for me... Oh, the fight is no more than a weapon of another and I won't pull the trigger, i'm not shooting myself or yourself. And don't get it twisted, if I wanted to fight, I'd probably tear you a new asshole.

But this fight is meaningless to me, pointless for me, while you live for the victorious moment, the bigger picture is something you refuse to see, so momentarily, I will flee, then maybe, you calm down, stop yelling at me, and instead speak to me.

But alas, you hold grudges, so no matter when, no matter where, you will always find the opportunity to fight. And walk around with that pent up rage, incapable of happiness, unable to find peace, and no matter what day you walk, you lose the war, which is why you must make it up with the fight against me.

No maaan, you have to understand, but in your current state of mind, you will never understand, so go ahead. Punch me, shoot me, spit on my grave, and ignore the knowledge I'm trying to engrave. And with passing brain cells that absorbs nothing, you allow yourself to lose while you claim false victory. Go ahead, take the win, but you can't take my dignity. Go ahead, talk your shit, but your words aint real to me. Go ahead, be a man that isnt really a man. Go ahead, upon the defenseless, lay your hand.

And continue to choose your battles incorrectly. All that rage, that anger, that broken peace inside of you, it will catch up too you on the wrong day. Keep deciding on impulse rather than intelligence, keep fighting the wrong fight, the bad. Keep fighting me and those like me. Keep trying to find fulfillment in meaningless wins...
And maybe one day, you'll see...

As I heal, and Im in peace.

And you rise or fall, depending on your plea, and the evidence against you as you rest in peace,

And you'll see, that maybe, You should have not struck thee.

Choose your battles better man. Listen to my words.... Choose your battles better

Angel

I could hear her voice calling out to me, but I couldn't quite make out what she was saying. So I stood there, in the middle of nowhere, trying to hear her. I could still hear her, but concentrating on her voice made no difference; the voice was still faint. It occurred to me that out distance was keeping us apart, keeping the message that she was trying to send me from getting to me, so I wanted to start an adventure to get to her.

"I'm coming, my darling," I cried out to no one, hoping she'd hear me, hoping she'd know I'd come, hoping she'd now have a glimmer of hope. There was a silence, and then her voice continued, but in a different pattern. I once again stood in the middle of nowhere, listening, or at least trying to. My ear put to the air, my eyes closed, hoping that along some miracle, I could get her message.

Still, I could not make out the words. And now, it was starting to pain me. So I started to travel, started to follow her voice, started my adventure from nowhere to somewhere, wondering what she said, wondering if she was okay. And I traveled through shadows, and I battled through beasts, and I conquered all kinds of territory, following this voice. And her voice got louder, but not necessarily clearer...

I stopped at a hut in a small town, where the wind rustled leaves. I found a spot and tried to hear her again, but the leaves distorted the message. I made out a few words... do... please... but that was all I could obtain. I couldn't tell if she was in pleasure of anticipation or in dire pain, but I looked ahead and saw I had to cross the plain. Multiple foes were slain. Multiple woes were gained. But despite all the hardships, I remained sane.

And with all the work, all the effort, and all the chaos that I had to endure, the pain of everything tickled compared to the way my heart broke when I finally heard the message... "Do not come... please,"

This is what my ears heard. And from that point, I wanted to cut my ears off. I did not know where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do. I didn't even know if I wanted an answer. Her plea for me to not help her flee sunk my heart lower than the great depths of the sea. Everything felt heavy, and I dropped everything. Sword. Shield. Tears.

A river flowed, and now I wanted answers. I picked up my sword, and wanted to proceed, but that message continued to ring. That painful message continued to ring. That insane message continued to sing. My lust was gone, my love was gone, my trust was gone...

Trust... she had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her.

Yes. I literally had to repeat that thought in order to believe it. Truth is, she had never given me a reason to not trust her. Her message was not one of a dying love, but rather of a test of trust. Sometimes, to be the hero, the action is in the inaction.

So I trusted her and I stopped my journey. And I returned to the hut, partially saddened, partially in the light of hope. Hope that she knew what she was doing. Hope that her message was delivered correctly. Hope that she was not giving me a reason to not trust her.

I soon stopped hearing from her. The message that she spoke was no more. There was nothing but silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence. Combined with the winds and the leaves, unbearable pain, but I stuck with her words, for she had never given me a reason to not trust her.

Minutes into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and nothing. No message, no sign, nothing. Wind turned to rain to calm sun to rain again to wind and rain, and the cycle continues. But so did the silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence.

Soon, I was ready to go home. I would simply be left with what ifs and what happened's and a bunch of other mysteries left unsolved. And as I gather my things, ready to go, there she was, standing before me, in all of her beauty.

A part of me wanted to hug her. But a bigger part of me wanted answers. But an even bigger part of was too mad to speak. So I stood in silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence. Waiting for her to address me.

She smiled. She waved, then she disappeared. I did not know what type of emotion I wanted to feel. She came, she went, she spoke not a word.

Suddenly, I heard a message.

My fate was already sealed. Yours, it's still up in the air, up in your control. Had you tried to save me, your efforts would have been in vain, potentially hurting both of us for no reason. But I thank you for your efforts. I really do appreciate it. So long, hun.

Tears ran down my eyes, for she still had never given me a reason to not trust her. She was always my angel. She will always be my angel. And I never thanked her for being my angel. I had been mad at her. I had taken her for granted. And the only reason I wanted her saved was for my own personal gain. But the whole time, she was my angel. And I had never thanked her for being my angel...

Thank you, my angel.

untitled

a song. a thought.
a woman. a love.
all remains within me.
all remains in my heart.
and it's the pain of the past,
plus the uncertainty
that the future holds
that holds me back.
but these are bad excuses.
and I keep them coming.
a complete fear of a step
from my simple couch.
I desire much more,
but I settle for much less.
I believe now is the time
to grow up.

let the sun set on hate
let the sun rise on love
allow morning to wash away
yesterday's pain.
let the sun bring you warmth
let the clouds dot your dreams
and let not a single person
rain on your favorite parade.

Late January 20th Challenge Results

So I'm seven days late with posting the results...

but I did it.

over 100,000 words.

Though the final product is probably not going to have that many words. Chapters and characters and a lot of stuff are going to get cut. Other characters need a little more development. Fight scenes need redoing or complete nixing... it's a very rough draft.

But it's done.

I've been taking a break with the writing thing, but I'm a get back on it, likely in April, where Camp NaNoWriMo will challenge me to write 50,000 words in the month of April. By then, the plans should be laid for the next book.

In fact, I'm working on those plans sometime in the next three days.

Of course, I have other goals in mind as well... poetry book, among other things...

I can't be distracted... at least not for too long.

Well, that is all. Just wanted to post an update regarding the January 20th Challenge. It was a great success. :D

The January 20th Challenge

As of this moment, I have *something along the lines of* 20 chapters left to write for the first Marko Man book. Today is January 6th. Regardless, I want to be done with this book by January 20th. Why?

Because of the Challenge.

I didn't really get much writing done in December due to the chaos that month brought me, so now, I'm looking to more than make it up. I actually have some form of a writing schedule that I want to follow as closely as possible for the year, but that's another story in itself that I'll get into at a later date.

But as for right now? This day? This moment?

It's all about the Challenge. The January 20th Challenge.