"The game isn't out, but like a stereotypical Sonic-fan, finds something to complain about before the release. Can't even be happy with how well the game is progressing but complains about a "possible" leaked stage list. I give the review a 2/10"
"wow you sound like the other sonic fans bitch and cry about everything ... what next oh his shoes are wrong .. just enjoy the game and stop over think shit noob"
So... in other words... because I am a Sonic fan, I should just be happy with what I get? I can't be critical about anything at all?
Like, view those two comments up there... it's pretty clearly trolling, but I like feeding trolls, so I'm going to dedicate an entire fucking blog to them, because this is bullshit.
Overall, both comments are complaining about my complaint about the game possibly being too short. Apparently, I, as a Sonic fan, should be happy that the game is any good at all, regardless of the length, or lack thereof. Well, let's examine that, shall we?
First off, my complaint directly has something to do with the game play. What part, you ask? Replay value. The easiest, cheapest, dirtiest way to generate replay value is to have a large number of levels.
But what if the game sucks?
When we cross that bridge, we'll talk about it... I thoroughly enjoy the direction that Sonic Generations is going in. The demo showcased what Classic Sonic is all about since we already know what Modern Sonic is all about, and I love everything that is Classic Sonic game play. My review of the demo mentioned a few hiccups that the super meticulous fan would notice if compared directly to the Genesis Sonic games, but those hiccups aren't bothering me. Why? Because the experience is fun, more fun than Sonic 4.
So if I know I'm going to enjoy Modern Sonic, and after having played with Classic Sonic, I love what's in store for Classic Sonic as well, it's clear to me that the formula works. I didn't mention sound... I love Sonic sounds... both music and sound effects, it's one thing that Sonic games do right practically all the time. I didn't mention graphics. I could see Sonic, I could the enemies, I could see where I was going... The graphics fucking work.
All in all, the formula fucking works. You don't see me complaining about Modern Sonic's quills not being of the right length or Classic Sonic's belly being too round or not round enough. You don't see me complaining that Sonic's shoe color is off. No. You don't see that. At all.
You see me complaining about the number of levels that showed up when the demo was hacked. You see me complaining not about the levels themselves, but the fact that I'm hoping it isn't a complete list of levels. You see me even admit that my first reaction to seeing the list was a negative knee jerk reaction, and you see me admit that I'm hoping that there are more levels that simply haven't been revealed.
But apparently, because I'm a Sonic fan, I can't complain about that. I should just be happy with what we got.
You do realize that this game wouldn't exist if Sonic fans were just happy with what we got, right? You do realize that this game wouldn't exist if we were happy with hedgehogs on motorcycles, hedgehogs in glitched up games, hedgehogs turning into werehogs, and hedgehogs that don't abide by the natural rules of gravity and momentum, right? You do realize that the craziness and the madness of the Sonic fandom is the reason why this game exists, right? The silly complaint about the blue eyes and the slender body is a part of the reason why this game exists... you realize that, right?
If me complaining that I want more than 10 levels of what is looking like a Sonic game that I am anticipating will knock Sonic Colors off my personal top three list of favorite Sonic games is a problem when there have been many more ridiculous complaints before this, then Fuck you.
Edit: And to think... people thought I was bitching about this game...
Showing posts with label Trolling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trolling. Show all posts
June 23, 2011
Why Carnival Night Zone Act 2 is the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of Video Games
So I'm playing through Sonic 3 & Knuckles for Sonic's 20th Anniversary, right? And I'm in Carnival Night Zone Act 2. I'm in this level having tons of fun. It took me 8 minutes to complete, not because the of that damn barrel, but because the level is actually really fucking fun.
And what makes this level so much fun? You might ask...
Well, it's the physics. You have the ball bumpers, the grounded bumpers, the bumper shelled badnik, the balloons, the speed, the anti-gravity platforms, the barrels... there are too many objects that just let you do too many stunts in this level.
But to the point... why is this level the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of Video Games?
Because of that infamous barrel that you know you couldn't pass when you were a kid.
Now here's the thing... it's not that barrel alone that makes it the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of video games, although that barrel alone definitely puts Carnival Night Zone up there. What really makes Carnival Night Zone Act 2 the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of Video Games is the fact that there are a number of barrels quite like the one that you couldn't pass when you were a kid. The physics of the barrel itself has it such that you can bounce on it right and gain extra height in your jump when you bounce on it correctly. These barrels are found throughout the level, and the crazy thing is, there are certain parts of the level, especially in Act 2, where you need the barrel to go upwards. Without pressing up or down, you can bounce on the barrel, gain height, and boom, you can continue the level from there.
More than likely, you've encountered at least one of these barrels before the "impossible" one, and you probably played with it/them because they were fun. You pretty much figured out how the barrel works (barring the up and down button presses), and you go on about yourday night, fairly confident in yourself and your ability to pass the level.
And then you get there... that impassible barrel that you don't know is impassible yet. You bounce on it, routinely at this point, thinking that you're going to be able to go down and continue. And it just doesn't quite get low enough. But you've played with the barrel just enough that you are absolutely sure that you can pass through.
But you don't pass through. Tails glitches through, though, and you think to yourself, Maybe I can glitch through. 99,999 times out of 100,000, you can't. And you don't. And that time started to count down. And Tails mocks you with every jump. He might even fly back up to you to revel in your misery. And then he might just glitch back down there just to ice the cake. And then the time runs out.
Repeat the contents of that last two paragraphs until you finally decide that Sega fucked up, and you can't pass it.
Years later, your heart breaks due to what you find out... a little something about pressing up and down... something that wasn't in the instruction manual that you read more than any textbook due to this level... something that wasn't even remotely implied within the level... something, in fact, that level anti-implied with the physics of the barrel itself.
You finally pass the barrel, and you can finally complete that part of your childhood.
Essentially, the game fucking lied to you, and used one of the many things that made those Sonic games so great (its physics) to deliver the lie.
And that's why Carnival Night Act 2 is the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of Video Games...
And what makes this level so much fun? You might ask...
Well, it's the physics. You have the ball bumpers, the grounded bumpers, the bumper shelled badnik, the balloons, the speed, the anti-gravity platforms, the barrels... there are too many objects that just let you do too many stunts in this level.
But to the point... why is this level the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of Video Games?
Because of that infamous barrel that you know you couldn't pass when you were a kid.
Now here's the thing... it's not that barrel alone that makes it the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of video games, although that barrel alone definitely puts Carnival Night Zone up there. What really makes Carnival Night Zone Act 2 the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of Video Games is the fact that there are a number of barrels quite like the one that you couldn't pass when you were a kid. The physics of the barrel itself has it such that you can bounce on it right and gain extra height in your jump when you bounce on it correctly. These barrels are found throughout the level, and the crazy thing is, there are certain parts of the level, especially in Act 2, where you need the barrel to go upwards. Without pressing up or down, you can bounce on the barrel, gain height, and boom, you can continue the level from there.
More than likely, you've encountered at least one of these barrels before the "impossible" one, and you probably played with it/them because they were fun. You pretty much figured out how the barrel works (barring the up and down button presses), and you go on about your
And then you get there... that impassible barrel that you don't know is impassible yet. You bounce on it, routinely at this point, thinking that you're going to be able to go down and continue. And it just doesn't quite get low enough. But you've played with the barrel just enough that you are absolutely sure that you can pass through.
But you don't pass through. Tails glitches through, though, and you think to yourself, Maybe I can glitch through. 99,999 times out of 100,000, you can't. And you don't. And that time started to count down. And Tails mocks you with every jump. He might even fly back up to you to revel in your misery. And then he might just glitch back down there just to ice the cake. And then the time runs out.
Repeat the contents of that last two paragraphs until you finally decide that Sega fucked up, and you can't pass it.
Years later, your heart breaks due to what you find out... a little something about pressing up and down... something that wasn't in the instruction manual that you read more than any textbook due to this level... something that wasn't even remotely implied within the level... something, in fact, that level anti-implied with the physics of the barrel itself.
You finally pass the barrel, and you can finally complete that part of your childhood.
Essentially, the game fucking lied to you, and used one of the many things that made those Sonic games so great (its physics) to deliver the lie.
And that's why Carnival Night Act 2 is the Greatest Troll Level in ALL of Video Games...
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