My Ambition Will Kill Me

Bringing the pain because that is the only way we are going to be able to make this work. I need the fire started because where champions are crafted in fire, legends are made in the sun. And The Legend is what I wanna be, so The Sun is where I need to go. Forget this planet. Forget my friends, forget my family, forge loved ones, loved places and loved things... everything. All is irrelevant except one. There is only one thing that matters... the fame... the fortune... the glory... the goal... that's actually four things, but they're all at the same destination.

My ambition will kill me.

But who cares? They do. That's what they insist I do. Fuel up my ship. Get me ready for take off. Prepare me for the atmosphere and beyond. I am willing and ready to become The Legend that I have always wanted to become, that I always knew I could be, that I prided myself on being before I even was. I will burn out. I will overheat. I will cook. I do not care. I am tired of looking up at all of those people above me, wondering how they got there, why they are there, wondering how and why I am not there yet. I am tired of looking at all those losers with thrones. I am tired of seeing myself up at the top with a throne, but only as a mere figment of my imagination. So let's do this. Let's hop in the ship and let's aim for the sun.

My ambition will kill me.

The moon sucks. Forget its pleasant, gentle beauty and its contrast of darkness, providing hope and light to those who need it. No, forget all of that... it is too cold there anywhere, and it holds no weight. Literally. Fuck Venus. Think I care about women and their origins and how they work and how to get one and love and compassion and affection? We need to go beyond that. I can see it now. The sun is coming soon. And look... you'll have to squint your eyes hard, maybe even recover from a bit of retina damage, but there goes Mercury, right now. Right there. That small, red spot amongst the yellow. And wow, what is this thing? Apparently they are more planets chilling, around here though? Amazing... talk about discovering new stuff. More than enough mysteries for the private eye to spy. But I am not here for the discovery. I am not here for the journey. I am here for the destination.

My ambition will kill me.

And there it is. The sun. Now I can be The Legend. I can hardly see it now. No one can hardly see me anymore either. I can feel it though. I can feel everything coming together now, fusing into this one thing that society has held to such high regard... success of its highest, most ominous nature. Yes. Everyone is waaaay down there, and I am waaaaaay up here, but look at that ... no one can see me. It is cool though... actually, it is not cool at all. It is hot up here. And yeah, my skin is cooking. Burning. Overheating. Spontaneously combusting, though it is not all that random... I mean, I am at the sun. Exactly where I wanted to be. Exactly where I needed to be. Becoming the Legend. Absorbing the fire... or maybe the fire is absorbing me. Too bad no one will ever care.

My ambition will kill me.

****

Once upon a time, there was a guy who insisted that he was the best. And we all wanted him to be the best. We helped keep him afloat when he was drowning in waste, and we supported him when he was flying on cloud bridges. Unfortunately, he wanted to go higher and higher and higher. And he forgot about us. Hell bent on becoming a legend... no, excuse me, The Legend, he took off, but only got but so high. High enough to become delusional, but not high enough to achieve what one would call, "success." And we watched this tragic man fall so deep, crashing through rocks, slamming against walls, and ending in a fiery blaze that he insisted was "The Sun." Sure enough, he became a legend, alright.... the example of the greatest lesson we were ever taught.

Of Months, Delays, and New Adventures

National Poetry Month

So I would like to say that the concept of poetry month was relatively successful for me. The only thing that I didn't do that I wanted to do was show up to an open mic and present some of my work (especially some stuff that I did this month... I wrote some really awesome stuff this month). Otherwise, I definitely wrote more than 30 poems this month (the goal was 30, and I pretty much crushed it), but I didn't exactly finish editing all of them. That will happen in due time, and within the week (hopefully). And when that's done, I'll post a bunch of blogs with said poems and I'll post an "HQ" blog, if you will, with links to each poem, so that you, as the reader, can select which poems interest you the most by the title. That's coming soonish... hopefully.

Marko Man Sparring Sessions... delayed even further...


So when I first made the announcement of the delay here, I said that perhaps in June, I'd get this thing rolling, but perhaps it wouldn't happen.

Yeah. It's not going to happen in June. I still have some fights done, actually, but overall, the entire concept it nowhere near how I'd want it to come out. And while I haven't been working on it, I don't see me working on it anytime soon because of what I have in story for May.

New Adventures


So I had already had two things that I wanted to do lined up for May.
One was watch Asura's Wrath. (because it's not a game, but it looks like an epic ass movie or something. but it's clearly not a game and I'm sorry for everyone who paid $60 to watch it because I'm totally going to watch it for free on YouTube.)
The other thing I wanted to do was read "The Hunger Games."

But a few days ago, I had this ridiculously incredible dream. And I want to attempt to write a story based on that dream. Considering how I haven't touched "A Life so Awesome it Hurts" since November 30th, I can only wonder how far along I'll get with this... but we'll see.

A Flower Spared

I am not going to pluck
The petals from a flower.
There is no reason that I should
Share my pain with such beauty.

Midnight Cry

Delayed therapy.
I am having a moment.
Let my tears flow free.

What to Chase

Should we chase the dog?
Should we chase the squirrel?
Should we chase the sloth?
Should we chase the world?
No matter the choice,
The goal will be there.
Forget external voice,
Do not be scared.
You can stay on the ground
Or you can choose to soar.
No matter where you're bound,
The choice is yours.
So whether in deep blue
Or in other space,
Let no one tell you
What to chase.

Broken Heart

Unwanted black void,
Like a night with no starlight
And endless shadow.

Secret Fetish

It's a strange little fetish,
More erotic than you'd ever know.
Very powerful, yet very quiet.
But yet I see and feel it all the time.
Just thinking about it
Gets me aroused and ready to go.
But what is this fetish I speak of?
I'll just leave it to your imagination...

The Weapon

I can make you paranoid without hard reason to believe and I can make you think it's safe while I'm carrying five guns. You see the weapon that I wield hits where it hurts the most, with unlimited ammunition and perfect for many a situation. It works well against numbers and works well against one, and if you know anything about one, then you know it's a number, too. Three seconds to think about it and more for the fifth guess, but for three of your people, it might be too late. Now you're left alone, wondering what happened, as you don't see a threat, but you thought you had it all in the palm of your hand.

But that was the problem. You thought. You shouldn't have thought. For the first thought brings the second thought, and the second thought brings the first loss, and the second place is just the first loser and you waffle between the numbers one and two until you add it up and get to three, thinking, "Where did this all go wrong?"

And you'll never realize that thinking got you fried because you don't get paid to think, so therefore, those who think, get fired. Ask your buddies... oh, that's right... you can't.

You come to me, wondering what's going on, still thinking even though you shouldn't be thinking at all, but that's why you come to me, because at the count of three, you'd be below the sea except for the fact that you were the first to flee. And you get to me, and you ask questions, riddled with fear, needing answers to calm your adrenaline-filled blood, your heart pumping, afraid of hearing the wrong words but needing to hear words regardless because the silence is killing you.

"Don't worry about it," I tell you.
"It'll be okay," I reassure you.
"Everything is going to be fine."

And slowly, your heart rate starts to decelerate as you begin to feel safer within my confidence. But your heart rate continues to decelerate as a sharp pain enters, then leaves your bloodstream. You realize that there is no one to blame but yourself as gravity has its way with you and you begin your final countdown. You get to three and figure out that I was never on your team from the beginning, but by then, it's too late. And then there was one.

With zero opponents left, I proved exactly what I wanted to prove. Perception. It's the best weapon around.

Care for another Game, folks?

You Don't Force This

Why walk against wind?
Why swim upstream?
Why fist fight a tank?
You don't force this.

Softly tumble downhill.
Slide on the ice with the calm.
Naturally adjust to the light.
You don't force this.

It's one thing to go against what's in.
It's another thing to go against what this is.
And this... this something special.
You don't force this.

No... you let this arrive easy.
No earthquake. No turbulence.
In and out like breath.
You don't force this.

The

The sorrow. The find.
The hustle. The grind.
The struggle. The sign.
The sparks. They fly.

*subconsciously inspired by DMX's "Who We Be"*

April is the Write Month for this Chaos.

So it's April. This is the month that I said the journey would begin. I got the Sparring Sessions coming out soon, hopefully on the 20th. I have one fight ready (well, technically two, but the second fight is a special event that requires a special occassion), and I have one that has a freshly finished first draft. I hope to have about 3 or 4 fights by the time the 20th rolls around. I'm also working on a new logo for Marko Man.

I also want to go to a few poetry readings and read some of my stuff and get my name around the block and whatnot. I have half a lead, but I need more, obviously, so there's that to look into.

Furthermore, apparently April is Poetry Month. So that means I'm either going to write a poem a day or have at least 30 poems by the end of the month. Sounds simple, except I put so much food on my plate this month otherwise. But then again, if I did NaNoWriMo, then 30 poems should be easy... NaNoWriMo is like the hyperbolic time chamber of daily writing in my opinion.

In short, this should be a nice, busy month for me in terms of writing, especially since April has a slew of things I want to do beyond writing (it's getting warm, so we should know what that means...). I should also see some form of improvement in my writing with all the writing I'll be doing (I know I'm good, but I'm always looking to improve).

Random bit: I was planning on reading "The Hunger Games" and the two books that follow it, I think I'm going to have to bump that into May. I read a synopsis of "The Hunger Games," and it seems to be something more along the lines of something I'd like to read as opposed to Harry Potter... I'm not really into wizards and magic in that nature/of that degree.

So wish me luck. I'm a use today to freshen things up (because if I'm going to be writing as much as I am, I might as well get into a form conducive to such), plan things out in more detail, and get ready for the ride.

Like I said, the journey begins. Will the journey be better than the destination? Who knows...

Keys

White as the background,
Black as the snow.
Silent like sound,
Deadly, we grow.

Cold as the heat,
Hot as the cold,
Silent the beat,
Young as the old.

Pain in the heart,
Enduring your love.
Pain from the start,
From below, from above.

Failures are failed,
Success, we're hopin'.
When ignorance bailed,
Minds, we open.

Because Apparently, April's Poetry Month

Awake because fuck work, that's why.
I'm a rebel waiting for failure.
All these pieces of paper in my pocket.
And only one of them holds a tease.

Nose runs, thoughts run, she runs.
There are actually no feet involved here.
And therefore, no socks.
And therefore, the past needs not to be brought up.

Yes, that's the way.
Remember the lessons, forget the details.
Perfection doesn't exist, but the clay does.
Molding and molding are two different actions.

So ride if you ride, fly if you fly.
Do within your means, and do more than that.
Fuck all the meaningless things,
And make love to the meaningful.