October 1, 2012

The Middle

Looking behind me, I see the darkness.
Looking ahead of me, I see the light.

Where I stand now? A gray area.
Not too bright, not too dark,
Not too much of anything.

Except dreams.

Dreams that I can travel twice as far as I've already walked.
Dreams of success, of fun, of the completion of my happiness.
Completion, because I feel happy enough.

And then I hear that one song.
And then I see that one picture.
And then I feel that one beat in my heart...

Don't stop. There's more.

That's the consistent message.
Whether I hear it, see it, or feel it.
That is the consistent message.

You fought already? Fight some more.
You walked already? Now run.

And I'm not even tired.
Though I'm not fresh.
Somewhere in between.


And I know I don't want to go back.
And I know I want to go forward.
And I know I move too slow.
And I know at least I move slow towards
The things that I want to see.

And I know that if I don't see them,
I know that it could be disappointing.

And I know that if I don't see them,
I know that I appreciate what I saw.

Trapped in a vision of dreams,
A vision when I can look back,
Just like this particular moment...

And say...

I won.


Because I already won.
I conquered the darkness.
To an extent.

And all that is left
Is to conquer the light.
And to embrace it.
For everything
I ever wanted it to be.

But perhaps, it's not worth it.
Maybe I'm not meant
To have everything I want.

And every time that doubt
Creeps into my mind,
Fight it I must.

For that is only the darkness's call,
Looking for me, wanting me back,
Missing me.

Missing me just like I missed success,
Like I missed happiness, love,
And all those wonderful feelings
That make you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

Maybe I am settling for something less
Than my original, youthful dreams.

Maybe the realistic part of me
Is taking over and understanding.

And it understands that I can do what I want.
I ain't too old just yet.

I've come a long way.
I've got a long way to go.

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