September 25, 2011


Naaaaaaaaah. No shortcuts bro.

These kinds of shortcuts have always existed.
And you kinda sorta almost always took them.
In an attempt to avoid damage,
You only took more damage.

Remember the times when you took the long way out.
Remember the times when you tackled the struggle head on.
When you could anticipate when the problem would attack you,
And thus you could attack it back,
And thus when the battle was over,
A quick recover ensued.

Remember the times when you took the shortcut.
Remember the times you tried to avoid the struggle.
When you thought you had everything figured out,
Only to get hit with the sneak attack from behind,
Laid out and laid down in shock.
Recover took.

Understand the contrast in styles.
The struggle will be there no matter which path you take.
The chances of pass and fail are there regardless.
Your result, in some cases, is already pre-ordained.
The shortcut may look like the easy way.
And in many cases it is.
It is the easy way into the struggle.

But it almost always provides the hardest way out of it.

September 21, 2011

Troy Davis being put to Death

So... is it wrong that I decided to blog about Troy Davis just to get a few cheap hits? Not nearly as wrong as Troy Davis actually dying and Casey Anthony living, no?

Not nearly as wrong as the fact that even though Troy Davis is being put to death despite the concept of "innocent until proven guilty" when there's no evidence to link him to his crime, no?

Not nearly as wrong as the fact that Americans aren't actually going to do anything about this, no?

Not nearly as wrong as the fact that we're himming and hawing over this one black guy that's dying when in reality, blacks are the most un-unified race in America, arguing about whether lightskins or darkskins are sexier, whether Jamaicans, Haitians, or Trinidadians are better, and killing each other over the colors red and blue, no?

Not nearly as wrong as the paradox of having this situation go down while we have a black President, no? (maybe P. Diddy was right for criticizing Obama for not giving black people handouts... can't he do pardons? would this not be a pardon-worthy situation?)

(I love how "coincidentally," I google Presidential Pardon Power and my browser has this difficult time picking it up, but loads with no problem...)

Not nearly as wrong as the millions of intelligent black minds that go to waste each year due to a system that's pretty much all for fucking us in the ass, no?

Nope. I don't think me making this blog for cheap hits is wrong at all.

PS: I could have done that all night.

PPS: So apparently, the President didn't have any power of pardon in this case because it's a state crime. The governor of Georgia, however, could have prevented this. Still, Obama could have put in some kind of intervention, no?


Just something to put out there. Sir Jerry Levine is an intelligent dude.

Government killed one black man in front of a live audience.
Government kills many more under the table.
And yet, we seem to be our own worst enemy...

I really wish we could actually put shit into perspective...

September 20, 2011

The Potential to Become a Tyler the Creator Fan?

So I'm about to go to sleep due to having to wake up for work in the morning.

I just downloaded about 30 news songs, ranging from My Morning Jacket to the Need for Speed Most Wanted Soundtrack (I really need to go in on these retro reviews that I've been wanting to do... got like 4 I wanna do... not to mention my Lost Adventures of Mark Wins... there's a new one coming... maybe... if I decide to release the details of said adventure.)

And just before I go to bed, something in my blog reading list comes up about Tyler the Creator.

I also remember hearing something about this Tyler Creator guy during the VMA buzz and how he somehow won some kind of award even though I never heard of the guy (granted, I stopped listening to modern hip hop and radios for some time, so take my inability to know who Tyler is with a grain of salt.)

Whatever the case may be, I decided before going to bed to randomly hear a random song that this guy has done...

And I stumbled across the following...

Something about this song... I like it...

Now, with this song, it might just be bias due to it being relatively kinda sorta similar to a situation that I'm kinda sorta in, but there were things in this song still to be felt regardless... such as the style of the song. And the pure oddness of the video itself.

And thus, I am... intrigued.

I shall look into this Tyler the Creator guy... see if he's worth my time... if the rest of his material is as oddly refreshing as this seems to be, then I just might become a Tyler the Creator fan.

Like, off the bat, he's definitely different from Wayne, Drake, and whomever else is considered "hot" right now, and since what is considered "hot" right now is mostly stuff I loathe, and this is different, and I like exploring that which is different, I might be on to something here...

Welp, that's all. Good night.

Video of the Day

The fights here are pretty incredible, easily the best video of Jojo's Bizarre Adventure I've ever seen.

Check out that auto-win @ 5:55... like, what the fuck yo. Auto-wins like that auto-qualify for Video of the Day for this blog. :-)


You just gotta love auto-wins. lolololol

Edit: lol just looked this match up and he didn't even fucking win. lolwtf

September 18, 2011

Tired of Being Inspired

I'm tired of being inspired.
I'm tired of inspiration,
For all my muses are negative;
It's always a battle, a fight, a war,
A fall, a loss, a defeat.

I am never inspired by success.
I never write about victory.
Pen and paper never make love over love,
Just angry sex through frustration.
An unhealthy relationship.

Which is a shame since
I'm very good at raw fucking.
But at the end of the year,
If I never had to write a poem again,
I'd be fine with that.

September 17, 2011

This Whole Not Being on FaceBook Thing...

... it's not as bad as I thought it'd be.

I deactivated it last week after that horrific week at work in a need to be alienated from people to clear my mind. Theoretically, my mind is "clear," but then again, I still have some things to think about, some new, some old, some pointless...

Still, my FaceBook is deactivated, and while I may have missed a FaceBook beat or 50, I don't care.

I was going to reactivate it yesterday, but I didn't.

And it's really not that big of a deal to me.

So... I can tell you that I have no idea when I'm going to go back to FaceBook. And like, it won't exactly be this big thing when I come back, but... well, you know...

September 13, 2011

Message from Another World

Out here.
Losing track of time.
Losing track of reality.
I was done with reality three years ago.
I rather live in fantasy
And suffer the consequences.

Let people judge me
For living in a world
That they cannot access.
Me being a loser
Is only your opinion
Based on what is accepted
Versus what I accepted.

I'm done with your standards,
Living in your time frame.
I'm going to make living my life
Easier for me.
I don't care if this is straightforward.
I want you to understand clearly.
I don't care if you're offended.
I want you to react.
Your ignorance will no longer be tolerated.


Guess I don't have style.
I mean, I see my reflection,
And I see greatness,
But maybe it's just my glasses.

I'm just another number to the government.
Just another person to the people.
Just another employee to management.
Just another guy to women.

And yet, when I look and I see,
I see so much more.
Not just in me, but in you.
But in everything. The world.

I see glorious things,
But they don't exist in theory,
For the reality is,
Everything is just something.

Nothing is as special
As we make it out to be.
Unless it actually is,
Even when it's not.

But my vision sees things
From odd angles and perspectives,
And it's not quite a mirage.
No. Just.... different.

It can be pointed out.
I could actually show you,
Not even an illusion.
You can see it with the naked eye.

But if you don't want to see it,
Then it can never exist.
No matter how much I tell you,
Existence is futile.

So my visions are never seen,
My point of view never imagined.
And I am forever left alone,
Sitting next to my reflection.


Soon I will fall down.
Best advice I was given?
Aim for the bushes.

VIDEO OF THE DAY (already?)

Maybe I've been underestimating Silver all this time... Maybe Silver is a god.

September 12, 2011

I Didn't Actually Learn Much in High School

So when I initially wrote this in this composition notebook, it was about 5:30pm and I was on Roosevelt Island

I love that place.

I finished at around 8pm.

I am now transferring the 15 pages + one line of stuff that wrote onto this here blog.

And I'm not breaking it up. Sorry.

I was going to put a tl;dr version, but fuck that.


So as I write this, I'm on Roosevelt island, sitting below a sun that's slowly but surely diving behind the buildings of Manhattan.

The breeze, the birds, the waves, the few people that stroll by... they are calming.

I really needed this calming effect. Last week was fucking horrible.

Monday: aka Labor Day. trash.
Tuesday: it rained. trash.
Wednesday: work. trash.
Thursday: more work, but tripped out like a junkie. trash.
Friday: even more work at super busy ass NYSG. trash.
Saturday: bullshit changes at Revolucion that put me over the edge. trash.
Sunday: more bullshit, further sending me down the cliff. trash.

Last week was just so bad for me that I needed a solution and an escape... a set of solutions and multiple, prolonged escape. I had entered mindsets that I either haven't had in a long time or never truly had to begin with. (but not suicide. I can't bring myself to just hurt myself, much less kill myself.)

I rather not go into detail about what kind of bullshit I'm dealing with at work. I'm just going to leave it with the following, niggas had been giving me the dick for too long and I was accepting it, but on Saturday and Sunday, I was tired of the dick. Wrote the assholes a letter since "they see these things," and we'll see what happens when I return on Wednesday.

I was completely enraged on Saturday, and even more so on Sunday. Things piled up on top of more things and I pretty much exploded. Only reason why I'm still "theoretically" employed is because of logic. Logic clearly states that in order for me to keep my family afloat and to otherwise do what I want to do in both the near and distant future, I kinda need this job.

But that doesn't mean I was going to get ran over for free.
Even though I did let them do that.

Now you're probably wondering, "What the fuck does my job have anything to do with you learning nothing in high school?" Eventually, I'll get to that, and if I am as good of  writer as I think I am, it will all tie in semi-nicely. And if it doesn't... well... hey.

I basically wrote a letter telling whomever that recent changes that have been made are bullshit and that something has to give.

(The sun is officially behind the buildings at this point.)

What exactly are the changes? Cut hours, new object placement, rubber rugs...

Whatever. It's all bullshit designed to make my life harder than it already is.

And this is what I didn't understand after I made this post... when did my life get so fucking difficult? I mean, high school was extremely easy for me, and it is said that high school is supposed to prepare you for the real world, right? That 94 overall average in my entire four years of Edison means something, right?

(You know, I wanted to see the sun set from Roosevelt Island since the last time I was at Roosevelt Island. But since the buildings are blocking the sun, it's not actually anything all that impressive...)

So that's when I started thinking about high school again. I started thinking about how easy all of my schooling was. Elementary school? Practically all E's. (for Excellent, not E being next to F). And I was told, "Oh, but when you get to junior high school, it's gonna get harder." Got to JHS and brought home 90+ easy. "Oh, but when you get to high school, it's gonna get harder..."

Shut up. I looked forward to the challenges of adulthood, responsibility, and "freedom," and such. And I revisited the conclusion...

I learned jack shit in high school.

I graduated high school with the 12th best overall four year GPA out of 461 students. "Impressive."

"Oh but when you get to college..."

Save it. I go on to Temple University in Philadelphia, PA, despite my parents advice to go to school in state. There, I do one semester, and bust down a 3.25 GPA. And never return. Because my father got sick and passed away.

High school didn't teach me how to deal with family death.
High school didn't teach me to be smart with this college stuff and the money behind it.
High school didn't teach me how to deal with the heart break of falling in love with beautiful, outstanding young ladies that by the time I actually fell in love with them I had no chance to actually get with.
High school didn't teach me how to get a job.

Interesting story: when I was about 16, my brother (who was therefore 12) was like how he wanted a job. Now I was never really the money hungry type. I'm still not. Back then, I didn't always get what I wanted on demand, but I always got what I needed on time. That was good enough for me. Anyway, my brother and I are like how we want jobs (I hopped on the bandwagon... also, I was old enough for working papers, but my brother just wanted to bag groceries really really fast for tips, just to have some money.). My father told me that I didn't need a job, for if I focused on school and maintained the grades I was getting out of high school, into college, and graduated with the flying colors that pretty much everyone expected to graduate with, I'd be able to get any job I wanted because I'm obviously a really smart muafucka that knows what I'm doing and can learn that which I don't know in a flash. And that made an amazing amount of sense to me, so I dismissed the entire desire to want a job at that age.

Problem is, no one foresaw my father's untimely death.

Furthermore, no one foresaw how badly that would effectively destroy my path to greatness.

Admittedly, I allowed my father's death to negatively affect me more than it should have. My father was essentially the driving force pushing an otherwise unstoppable object, but when he died, no longer there to push said unstoppable object, I came to a screeching halt.

And boy did life get hard.
And boy did I allow it to get harder than it needed to be.

I "tried" to get a job. I filled out a few applications but never really followed up on them, simply falling back on my 94 HS GPA, which is, in fact, inferior to the 73 HS GPA with actual work experience. Or even the GED with actual work experience. Especially a person that can hardly speak English but has work experience.

Thus I tried to go school. I went to DeVry. No offense to those who went/go to DeVry are doing amazing things, but it was obviously beneath me. I would tell people "Yeah, I'm going to DeVry now," and I could sense the disappointment that most people had in me when they heard that.

But DeVry had a problem... it was really fucking expensive. Now could I have made it work? If I really wanted to... if I was really ready, then yeah. Retrospect says I could have either dug a deeper hole in debt but staying or at least trying to clot the blood by transferring somewhere else.

I did none of those things. I just dropped out. Because I felt "burnt out."

Now on one hand, I kinda sorta was "burnt out," do to all the shit I was getting involved with in life at the time. On the other hand, I still just wasn't ready for school due to letting my father's death negatively affect me.

Still, high school didn't teach me how to deal with "burn out."

(If I can, I totally want to move to Roosevelt Island. It's so quiet and peaceful and serene...)

(Gonna throw that in my wishful thinking bank...)

I "chilled" (if you wanna call it that) for about a year, suffered a heart break and other bullshit, landed on the bottom of the barrel, dug a small hole underneath that barrel, and that point, it was time to pick myself up and start working my way back to the top.

Looking back upon the initial steps of that climb, I realize...

High school didn't prepare me for how fucking corrupt this country... this planet is.

I get a few jobs, I listen to some stories, I see things that I wouldn't have seen otherwise, I fall for tricks of the trade, and it becomes clear.

Nothing. And I mean nothing. Nothing is as it seems.

High school did not teach me that a lot of the things I was doing "right" were absolutely "wrong."
High school did not teach me how to see the "lies" in the "truth" and vice versa.

Yes, you have to see the "truth" in the "lies" as well.

And as I sit here on this bench. Or as I walk in that airport terminal. Or as I read something on the Internet. Or as I ride on the bus. Or as I breathe.

Or whatever.

I come to the conclusion that people are ignorant. High school didn't teach me that either.

Not necessarily "dumb" or "stupid." Mostly ignorant.

Ignorant mostly because they think they are "free." As long as you live in America and you think you live in a democratic country, then you have fallen for America's most basic trap. You are ignorant.

Granted, that is not the only thing that makes you ignorant. In the end, knowledge is infinite, and you just won't be able to know everything. But it doesn't help that this country provides us with a backbone that keeps us as ignorant as possible. I mean, it's hard to lead a bunch of people with the same amount, if not more, knowledge and information as you do.

(How come as soon as I crank up my music this helicopter shows up?)

Think about any leader ever. Beside the "qualities" of a "leader," what sets a leader apart from everyone else? Knowledge and information.

And/or how much dick they sucked to get that leader position.

lol oh boy... two different stories to tell here... let me put a bunch of stars here so that I can remember this...

Story #1:
This one dates back to when I was in the sixth grade. We had a teacher who evolved into a dean in the middle of the year. This resulted in our class getting a new teacher that was a total rookie... pure fresh meat for our sixth grade claws and teeth to sink into. Don't exactly know why, but we had no respect for this teacher whatsoever. Hard to be a leader with no respect from that which you lead, right?

Well, it gets worse when a student teaches the class how to long division better than you teach it.

Yeah, there's this legend that says that I taught the class how to do long division because apparently I thought she was doin' it wrong. And apparently the class actually knew how to do long division at that point.

I honestly have no memory of the events. But I've heard it on multiple occasions from independent sources. So it must be true.

Anyway, say goodbye to your ability to be a leader for a sixth grade class.

Sure enough, to this day, she teaches, like, kindergarten or something.

Story #2:
This one is more recent.

So we have this really awesome manager at Revolucion who got his hours cut. Clearly he got his hours cut because he's awesome and he doesn't suck dick.

Additionally, there was a cook that was supposed to become the head cook of Revolucion when our "executive chef" (who apparently sucks dick according to the general consensus) left. The cook who did in fact get promoted got there via hard work and no dick sucking. Unfortunately, a cook was hired at a position higher than him, and this cook (the source of my latest over the top Snake grenade+missile+mine+C4 explosion due to the frustration of all those changes) clearly sucks dick. Yes, I'm making this judgement and I haven't even met the guy yet. First impressions muthafucka. Clearly you sucked dick to get that position, I can see the stains.

Okay, so where was I? This is getting really long... awesome.

Oh yeah. Leaders.

High school didn't teach me how to become a leader.

My father always. Always. Always told me, "Be a leader, not a follower." And I did so to the best of my ability. Lead, but at worst, didn't follow unless it was perfectly clear that the leader knew what he/she/it was doing.

But in the end, you can only lead if you have more info than that which you lead.

Parents lead children because they know more.
Teachers lead students because they know more.
Managers lead employees because they know more.
Coaches lead teams because they know more.
Presidents lead countries because they know more.

(all of this assumes that no dick was sucked in the process)

But if you're a President that's leading your country like shit because the rest of the staff that's up there is helping you lead your country like shit, it helps if your fellow citizens doesn't know exactly why the country is being lead like shit, doesn't it? It helps to put out false information and put on false performances such that no one really knows why the country is being lead like shit, right?

Like seriously, as a politician that claims they want "what's best for the country," how can you get any sleep at all knowing that this country is on the brink of falling into a shit hole that, depending on whose theory you read, it won't be able to climb up from?

Easy... you really, honestly don't give a fuck. As long as you're up there in that top 3% that's gonna benefit from your people stuck in the headlock of ignorance.

See, high school didn't teach these things.

So what exactly did high school teach?

Well, as far as "classroom subjects," you really only learn what your brain wants to learn. I learned pretty much all of high school math except logistics because I was sick those days and never followed up on it. I learned about the elements of literature (but alternatively, didn't learn that my Marko Man stories are, in fact, not literature). Learned a bit of physics, chemistry. Couldn't give a shit about history as we know it anymore, since so much of it is probably a lie anyway, so fuck it.

(in short, the Statue of Liberty was given to America by France around the time slavery was abolished. it had nothing to do with the American independence, but instead "freedom" from slavery for black people, but that original design was denied...)

(looking at the city lights from the outside is nice.)


I'm still not sure exactly what high school actually taught... maybe someone can enlighten me.

(two more things I have left on my Roosevelt Island to do list... take the tram and view it from the outside looking it...)

But maybe it taught something... or was supposed to teach something and I just didn't get the lesson. I see a number of my friends have successfully graduated from college and are either in the progress of enjoy successful, doable careers or obtaining even higher education in the form of a Master's degree.

But then again, I also see a number of my friends dealing with their own struggles, scraping and scrapping for cash money.

And then you have people that took a different route... a route that didn't require schooling, and they are doing their thing. Did they learn about this route via high school? Did high school prepare them at all for that detour?

Maybe I wouldn't even bother asking these questions if my father was still alive and he was still pushing this unstoppable object. I could analyze that, but it would take years to come up with a reasonable answer(s)... because... you know... Butterfly Effect, and there are mad butterflies.

Although I haven't seen on all summer. :(
Seen moths though. :/

Of course, none of this actually matters if you believe that the world is going to end in 2012.

Hmmmm... so it's clear to me that only reason I'm still writing and rambling at this point is because as long and hard deep this might have been, I'm still searching for an answer or a conclusion of some kind.

An then I remember this post.

Clearly states that when you are defeated, you have to go back to the drawing board.

Have I been defeated?

Well, I think about decisions I've made concerning the past, the present, and the future (emphasis on present and future since you can't really do shit about the past except speculate... but even speculation can give you info and answers), and I've noticed that I've kinda fallen off my own plans to some extent.

My mind has already made it clear that this is only the beginning of my struggles, and it hasn't even actually begun yet. I have already foreseen the bullshit that I am going to have to deal with in the future when I start making real strides along dangerous territory to get to my personal summit.

And as I sit here, looking into the night skyline across the water... I'm still thinking. This can only mean one thing...

This isn't over.

September 7, 2011


I really hate the fact that despite all the advice I was giving that logic states I shouldn't, I want to.

I really hate the fact that when I think of you, a smile grows on my face.

I really hate the fact that you've signed, sealed, and delivered the invite.

I really hate the fact that your invite is being considered.

I really hate the fact that despite your scars, you seem to be everything I want.

I really hate the fact the tension could climax soon.

I really hate the fact that wonder how things would be if we joined forces.

I really hate the fact that I've imagined a future... our future.

September 6, 2011

My Tree

I look out my window.
I see many things.
The one thing that stands out?
This tree...

This tree has been there
For as long as I could remember.
And most likely,
Even before that.

This tree has been home
to many a bird.
Most look the same,
And they all come and go.

And every so often,
A bird will stay
For what seems like an era.

I would look at the bird,
Think nothing of it.
At first,
But then it gets real,

As I become
Accustomed to its presence.
And just when things bloom,
It leaves.

Couldn't comprehend,
At one point,
Why the birds would come,
But never stay.

The tree looks nice,
And I love when they're there,
But apparently,
It's never enough.

So when the last one left,
I wanted to make sure,
That next one that came

And I worked on the tree.
I let other birds go.
As much I wanted them,
They had to flee.

Then this one bird came.
It looks like it's wants in.
But there is no in
For it to reside.

It leaves, but seemingly,
It comes back.
Time and time again,

When will it be ready?
When can I stay?
This investment.
It better be worth it.

Always wanted a bird
To stick with this tree,
To nest here
And remain steady.

Should I let the bird
Rock in this half finished project?
Or do I risk the wait
Of being ready?


No ground below me.
No clouds above me.
Nothing but sun.
And I fly.

I take off, without wings,
without weight,
without care,
I'm gone, I'm done, I'm outta here.

Slowly, then swoop,
Jetting, then hover.
This freedom is great.
I'm grateful.

But of course, even birds,
Must land someday.
And for now I land.
Till next time....


And we fall,
Broken into pieces.
We pick the pieces up,
Before they fade with the wind,
Trying to recover
That which is left...

The remains of a lesson,
The ends of a beginning...

Sulk amongst the pain of the broken,



And the recovery is slow,
Glue, sliding down tape...

Maybe it never happens.
We just accept the failure.

And we move on.
Move in many, many pieces.


Two years ago...

You said...

The next one you meet...

She's gonna be amazing...

She has to be...

She doesn't have much of a choice...

And sure enough...

She seems amazing...

But flaws...

That's why you said amazing...

Not perfect...

In a perfect world...

On a perfect day...

You could capture a moment...

But you don't do "moments"...

Not looking for perfection...

Well you won't find it here...

There are problems...

There will be problems...

But in the end...

Will it all be worth it...

Because no matter which way you slice it...

She's amazing...

She had to be...

She didn't have much of a choice...

September 5, 2011


Some times you gotta grab life by the waist,
Look into her eyes,
And make sweet, sweet love to her.
Look into her eyes,
Peer into the future.
Gather up passion
And let loose... go wild.

Make love to her...
Even after an argument.
Treat her like you want to be treated,
Regardless of how she treated you.
She don't know no better at times.

Take her. Make out with her.
Let her know you love her.
Sweep her off her feet,
But let her know you're not above her.
Respect her, elect her
As the queen to your kingdom.
All them stupid love songs?
Might as well sing them.

Lay her down, lay her out.
Put her to bed.
Acting particularly stubborn?
... give her head.

Because life ain't predictable,
You never know how your chances are gonna rock,
How this or that will work,
What this or that is worth,

But in the end...
You gotta take her...

By the waist...