February 19, 2012

A Letter to My Father

Dear Father,

So apparently today is the day that marks five years after you passed. Quite a blunder on my part, I thought it was the 17th. Oops...

In any event, I'm writing this letter because it's been a while since we talked. Last time we spoke you sent a pretty clear message about a girl that I'm obviously ignoring, and I kinda sorta wanna apologize for that. I just feel like this is a risk worth taking, but due to recent events and the perception of other details, I know now to at least tread softly and be very, very careful.

But yeah, I'm sure you noticed that I'm doing quite a few things that you didn't expect. Some of it I'm quite proud of, while some of it disturbs me. The disturbing stuff isn't much of what I'm doing, but rather what I'm not doing and/or haven't done yet. Like, I'm not in school, I don't have a career set, and my career goals seem rather foggy compared to what they used to be.

And yet, overall, I am quite content with my life right now, as while it could be better, it could be much, much worse, and I am thankful for the position that I'm in right now, as there is much more opportunity here than there was, say, two or three years ago. My job sucks, but it's getting things done for the most part, and I'm sure that there are opportunities to improve my work situation within the company that I just haven't fully explored yet. Outside of work, I keep the family on point, I have real friends, and I have a pretty good time with my life. Kinda like you used to do it.

I must say, the foundation that you have established within me is strong as hell, and yet, I sometimes feel like you're disappointed in what I'm doing right now and what I've done in the past few years. I mean, everyone says that you raised a good guy and that you'd be proud of me and so on and so forth. And while I haven't been to jail, I don't break the law, I don't do or sell drugs, I don't have kids that I'm not taking care of and whatnot, I feel like this is stuff that you expect of me any damn way, and therefore requires no special attention.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you are proud of me and what little I've done thus far. Maybe you are proud of the fact that while I may not be perfect and may not have developed into what you may have thought I'd become, I am definitely not the type of person you did your damnedest to make sure I would not become. And maybe that's what everyone else sees when they say "Your father would be real proud of you."

Whatever the case, I just felt the need to get that off my chest. We still miss you, we still love you, you're still referenced quite a bit, especially when it comes to that time you finished an opponent with a Tiger Genocide and was upset at the flashing lights in the back or the time you wondered why Kevin couldn't dent the grass or the tree but had to dent the car. Good times man. Good times.

You were a trip, dad. Glad I was around for it.

Miss You.
♥ You.

Your son,

1 comment:

  1. I loved it. Even if I don't know you, and haven't been following your blog for all that long, this was a good honest letter. Not ridiculously sobby, nor completely dry and loveless. Even if you may disagree, your father would love it.