Random Poetic Bits

I thank Him for having put me on the path, and I will allow Him to guide me,
For if this flower is truly to be mine, then He will not let it defy me.

***

With the pen as the knife and the paper as the wrist,
When all of this is misery, I write to end all of this.

***

We played with fire, we played with fate.
We tried to love, but alas, we hate.
We tried to count, but we cannot measure
The consequence of untimely pleasure.

***

She keeps herself running within my dome.
I should stop her sprint up there and bring her home.
Kiss her, lay her down, and kiss her some more,
Bring the kisses lower and watch her soar.
Enter her spaceship, continue the flight,
Refuel among the stars; we have all night.
Satisfy her desires that simmer and burn,
Land and let her go, but I know she'll return.

***

This is how a heart
Loses its loving blood flow
And turns into stone.

***

I accumulated millions of dollars and millions of justified haters.

I sold my soul for my own greater good, but is this really greater? 

To stand in the lights as I do what I do has always been my dream, 

but these lights blind me, might as well be dark, for this is a nightmare it seems. 

I'm consciously spreading a repping a message I consciously do not support, 

but everything is at total risk if I should decide to abort. 

I live better than all but my wealth is inversely proportional to my mental health 

this tangible success seems to come with the price of constantly failing myself.

***

So honestly, i just wanna take you and hold you

so we can fly in a car and make our dreams come true. 

Yeah reality's nice but my dreams are better 

i bet ur dreams awesome too so lets put them together

power

You gave me power
Then you stripped me of it.
I sought the return
So I earned a new one.
Its volatile nature
Made it useless
The lesson here
Had me crushed.
Tempted by blood,
Resisted by heart.
Progress like sloth,
But the tree is finite.
Molded in moral
A new power grew
And I didn't even
Have to sharpen a blade.

My Ambition Will Kill Me

Bringing the pain because that is the only way we are going to be able to make this work. I need the fire started because where champions are crafted in fire, legends are made in the sun. And The Legend is what I wanna be, so The Sun is where I need to go. Forget this planet. Forget my friends, forget my family, forge loved ones, loved places and loved things... everything. All is irrelevant except one. There is only one thing that matters... the fame... the fortune... the glory... the goal... that's actually four things, but they're all at the same destination.

My ambition will kill me.

But who cares? They do. That's what they insist I do. Fuel up my ship. Get me ready for take off. Prepare me for the atmosphere and beyond. I am willing and ready to become The Legend that I have always wanted to become, that I always knew I could be, that I prided myself on being before I even was. I will burn out. I will overheat. I will cook. I do not care. I am tired of looking up at all of those people above me, wondering how they got there, why they are there, wondering how and why I am not there yet. I am tired of looking at all those losers with thrones. I am tired of seeing myself up at the top with a throne, but only as a mere figment of my imagination. So let's do this. Let's hop in the ship and let's aim for the sun.

My ambition will kill me.

The moon sucks. Forget its pleasant, gentle beauty and its contrast of darkness, providing hope and light to those who need it. No, forget all of that... it is too cold there anywhere, and it holds no weight. Literally. Fuck Venus. Think I care about women and their origins and how they work and how to get one and love and compassion and affection? We need to go beyond that. I can see it now. The sun is coming soon. And look... you'll have to squint your eyes hard, maybe even recover from a bit of retina damage, but there goes Mercury, right now. Right there. That small, red spot amongst the yellow. And wow, what is this thing? Apparently they are more planets chilling, around here though? Amazing... talk about discovering new stuff. More than enough mysteries for the private eye to spy. But I am not here for the discovery. I am not here for the journey. I am here for the destination.

My ambition will kill me.

And there it is. The sun. Now I can be The Legend. I can hardly see it now. No one can hardly see me anymore either. I can feel it though. I can feel everything coming together now, fusing into this one thing that society has held to such high regard... success of its highest, most ominous nature. Yes. Everyone is waaaay down there, and I am waaaaaay up here, but look at that ... no one can see me. It is cool though... actually, it is not cool at all. It is hot up here. And yeah, my skin is cooking. Burning. Overheating. Spontaneously combusting, though it is not all that random... I mean, I am at the sun. Exactly where I wanted to be. Exactly where I needed to be. Becoming the Legend. Absorbing the fire... or maybe the fire is absorbing me. Too bad no one will ever care.

My ambition will kill me.

****

Once upon a time, there was a guy who insisted that he was the best. And we all wanted him to be the best. We helped keep him afloat when he was drowning in waste, and we supported him when he was flying on cloud bridges. Unfortunately, he wanted to go higher and higher and higher. And he forgot about us. Hell bent on becoming a legend... no, excuse me, The Legend, he took off, but only got but so high. High enough to become delusional, but not high enough to achieve what one would call, "success." And we watched this tragic man fall so deep, crashing through rocks, slamming against walls, and ending in a fiery blaze that he insisted was "The Sun." Sure enough, he became a legend, alright.... the example of the greatest lesson we were ever taught.

Bullet in My Chest

Bullet in my chest, bullet in my pocket.

Bullets that are nameless 'cause the names don't matter. 

The intent is the issue when we invent the villain in which energy is spent to embark on a mission. 

The human heart always find pain in the end of a human life, 

But lacks that sympathy in the end of the human heart.

That's where the problem lies, where we don't recognize, 

Causes may have effects but all effects have a cause. 

We see it how we wanna see it, leave it how we wanna see it, 

And fact mean nothing if we believe what we believe.

So back to the bullets, back to the pocket, and the chest. 

Back to the issues and the intent. 

When one journey ends, another begins, just like one bullet's ending so another can be sent. 

Then another life is spent. 

Then more tears are cried and more cries are heard 

And more blood is spilled because there's the hunt for balance doesn't end. 

The human heart must have peace, and it hunts for it, 

But hunt always involve weapons and bloodshed. 

And just when you find peace, chaos finds you again. 

The order of the world is a lack of order, and the balance is delicate so it will always tilt. 

Sometimes the best route to peace is inaction, 

As you can't accurately measure the blood that was spilled. 

Unfortunately, hearts are known for being misguided, 

But more misguided are hearts that reached their end. 

Which is why I have a bullet in my pocket. 

Which is why I have a bullet in my chest.

Choose Your Batles

I don't understand why we have to fight. We can choose the route of peace, but yo consistent pick conflict. And just as much as you want to fight, you want me to fight you, you're conditioned for war, for the war is your life, the fight is your life.

But not me. I don't have to fight. The fight means nothing to me. Surely, for you, the preception is that the fight means everything, but for me... Oh, the fight is no more than a weapon of another and I won't pull the trigger, i'm not shooting myself or yourself. And don't get it twisted, if I wanted to fight, I'd probably tear you a new asshole.

But this fight is meaningless to me, pointless for me, while you live for the victorious moment, the bigger picture is something you refuse to see, so momentarily, I will flee, then maybe, you calm down, stop yelling at me, and instead speak to me.

But alas, you hold grudges, so no matter when, no matter where, you will always find the opportunity to fight. And walk around with that pent up rage, incapable of happiness, unable to find peace, and no matter what day you walk, you lose the war, which is why you must make it up with the fight against me.

No maaan, you have to understand, but in your current state of mind, you will never understand, so go ahead. Punch me, shoot me, spit on my grave, and ignore the knowledge I'm trying to engrave. And with passing brain cells that absorbs nothing, you allow yourself to lose while you claim false victory. Go ahead, take the win, but you can't take my dignity. Go ahead, talk your shit, but your words aint real to me. Go ahead, be a man that isnt really a man. Go ahead, upon the defenseless, lay your hand.

And continue to choose your battles incorrectly. All that rage, that anger, that broken peace inside of you, it will catch up too you on the wrong day. Keep deciding on impulse rather than intelligence, keep fighting the wrong fight, the bad. Keep fighting me and those like me. Keep trying to find fulfillment in meaningless wins...
And maybe one day, you'll see...

As I heal, and Im in peace.

And you rise or fall, depending on your plea, and the evidence against you as you rest in peace,

And you'll see, that maybe, You should have not struck thee.

Choose your battles better man. Listen to my words.... Choose your battles better

Angel

I could hear her voice calling out to me, but I couldn't quite make out what she was saying. So I stood there, in the middle of nowhere, trying to hear her. I could still hear her, but concentrating on her voice made no difference; the voice was still faint. It occurred to me that out distance was keeping us apart, keeping the message that she was trying to send me from getting to me, so I wanted to start an adventure to get to her.

"I'm coming, my darling," I cried out to no one, hoping she'd hear me, hoping she'd know I'd come, hoping she'd now have a glimmer of hope. There was a silence, and then her voice continued, but in a different pattern. I once again stood in the middle of nowhere, listening, or at least trying to. My ear put to the air, my eyes closed, hoping that along some miracle, I could get her message.

Still, I could not make out the words. And now, it was starting to pain me. So I started to travel, started to follow her voice, started my adventure from nowhere to somewhere, wondering what she said, wondering if she was okay. And I traveled through shadows, and I battled through beasts, and I conquered all kinds of territory, following this voice. And her voice got louder, but not necessarily clearer...

I stopped at a hut in a small town, where the wind rustled leaves. I found a spot and tried to hear her again, but the leaves distorted the message. I made out a few words... do... please... but that was all I could obtain. I couldn't tell if she was in pleasure of anticipation or in dire pain, but I looked ahead and saw I had to cross the plain. Multiple foes were slain. Multiple woes were gained. But despite all the hardships, I remained sane.

And with all the work, all the effort, and all the chaos that I had to endure, the pain of everything tickled compared to the way my heart broke when I finally heard the message... "Do not come... please,"

This is what my ears heard. And from that point, I wanted to cut my ears off. I did not know where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do. I didn't even know if I wanted an answer. Her plea for me to not help her flee sunk my heart lower than the great depths of the sea. Everything felt heavy, and I dropped everything. Sword. Shield. Tears.

A river flowed, and now I wanted answers. I picked up my sword, and wanted to proceed, but that message continued to ring. That painful message continued to ring. That insane message continued to sing. My lust was gone, my love was gone, my trust was gone...

Trust... she had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her.

Yes. I literally had to repeat that thought in order to believe it. Truth is, she had never given me a reason to not trust her. Her message was not one of a dying love, but rather of a test of trust. Sometimes, to be the hero, the action is in the inaction.

So I trusted her and I stopped my journey. And I returned to the hut, partially saddened, partially in the light of hope. Hope that she knew what she was doing. Hope that her message was delivered correctly. Hope that she was not giving me a reason to not trust her.

I soon stopped hearing from her. The message that she spoke was no more. There was nothing but silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence. Combined with the winds and the leaves, unbearable pain, but I stuck with her words, for she had never given me a reason to not trust her.

Minutes into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and nothing. No message, no sign, nothing. Wind turned to rain to calm sun to rain again to wind and rain, and the cycle continues. But so did the silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence.

Soon, I was ready to go home. I would simply be left with what ifs and what happened's and a bunch of other mysteries left unsolved. And as I gather my things, ready to go, there she was, standing before me, in all of her beauty.

A part of me wanted to hug her. But a bigger part of me wanted answers. But an even bigger part of was too mad to speak. So I stood in silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence. Waiting for her to address me.

She smiled. She waved, then she disappeared. I did not know what type of emotion I wanted to feel. She came, she went, she spoke not a word.

Suddenly, I heard a message.

My fate was already sealed. Yours, it's still up in the air, up in your control. Had you tried to save me, your efforts would have been in vain, potentially hurting both of us for no reason. But I thank you for your efforts. I really do appreciate it. So long, hun.

Tears ran down my eyes, for she still had never given me a reason to not trust her. She was always my angel. She will always be my angel. And I never thanked her for being my angel. I had been mad at her. I had taken her for granted. And the only reason I wanted her saved was for my own personal gain. But the whole time, she was my angel. And I had never thanked her for being my angel...

Thank you, my angel.

untitled

a song. a thought.
a woman. a love.
all remains within me.
all remains in my heart.
and it's the pain of the past,
plus the uncertainty
that the future holds
that holds me back.
but these are bad excuses.
and I keep them coming.
a complete fear of a step
from my simple couch.
I desire much more,
but I settle for much less.
I believe now is the time
to grow up.

let the sun set on hate
let the sun rise on love
allow morning to wash away
yesterday's pain.
let the sun bring you warmth
let the clouds dot your dreams
and let not a single person
rain on your favorite parade.

Late January 20th Challenge Results

So I'm seven days late with posting the results...

but I did it.

over 100,000 words.

Though the final product is probably not going to have that many words. Chapters and characters and a lot of stuff are going to get cut. Other characters need a little more development. Fight scenes need redoing or complete nixing... it's a very rough draft.

But it's done.

I've been taking a break with the writing thing, but I'm a get back on it, likely in April, where Camp NaNoWriMo will challenge me to write 50,000 words in the month of April. By then, the plans should be laid for the next book.

In fact, I'm working on those plans sometime in the next three days.

Of course, I have other goals in mind as well... poetry book, among other things...

I can't be distracted... at least not for too long.

Well, that is all. Just wanted to post an update regarding the January 20th Challenge. It was a great success. :D

The January 20th Challenge

As of this moment, I have *something along the lines of* 20 chapters left to write for the first Marko Man book. Today is January 6th. Regardless, I want to be done with this book by January 20th. Why?

Because of the Challenge.

I didn't really get much writing done in December due to the chaos that month brought me, so now, I'm looking to more than make it up. I actually have some form of a writing schedule that I want to follow as closely as possible for the year, but that's another story in itself that I'll get into at a later date.

But as for right now? This day? This moment?

It's all about the Challenge. The January 20th Challenge.