February 4, 2013
I could hear her voice calling out to me, but I couldn't quite make out what she was saying. So I stood there, in the middle of nowhere, trying to hear her. I could still hear her, but concentrating on her voice made no difference; the voice was still faint. It occurred to me that out distance was keeping us apart, keeping the message that she was trying to send me from getting to me, so I wanted to start an adventure to get to her.
"I'm coming, my darling," I cried out to no one, hoping she'd hear me, hoping she'd know I'd come, hoping she'd now have a glimmer of hope. There was a silence, and then her voice continued, but in a different pattern. I once again stood in the middle of nowhere, listening, or at least trying to. My ear put to the air, my eyes closed, hoping that along some miracle, I could get her message.
Still, I could not make out the words. And now, it was starting to pain me. So I started to travel, started to follow her voice, started my adventure from nowhere to somewhere, wondering what she said, wondering if she was okay. And I traveled through shadows, and I battled through beasts, and I conquered all kinds of territory, following this voice. And her voice got louder, but not necessarily clearer...
I stopped at a hut in a small town, where the wind rustled leaves. I found a spot and tried to hear her again, but the leaves distorted the message. I made out a few words... do... please... but that was all I could obtain. I couldn't tell if she was in pleasure of anticipation or in dire pain, but I looked ahead and saw I had to cross the plain. Multiple foes were slain. Multiple woes were gained. But despite all the hardships, I remained sane.
And with all the work, all the effort, and all the chaos that I had to endure, the pain of everything tickled compared to the way my heart broke when I finally heard the message... "Do not come... please,"
This is what my ears heard. And from that point, I wanted to cut my ears off. I did not know where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do. I didn't even know if I wanted an answer. Her plea for me to not help her flee sunk my heart lower than the great depths of the sea. Everything felt heavy, and I dropped everything. Sword. Shield. Tears.
A river flowed, and now I wanted answers. I picked up my sword, and wanted to proceed, but that message continued to ring. That painful message continued to ring. That insane message continued to sing. My lust was gone, my love was gone, my trust was gone...
Trust... she had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her. She had never given me a reason to not trust her.
Yes. I literally had to repeat that thought in order to believe it. Truth is, she had never given me a reason to not trust her. Her message was not one of a dying love, but rather of a test of trust. Sometimes, to be the hero, the action is in the inaction.
So I trusted her and I stopped my journey. And I returned to the hut, partially saddened, partially in the light of hope. Hope that she knew what she was doing. Hope that her message was delivered correctly. Hope that she was not giving me a reason to not trust her.
I soon stopped hearing from her. The message that she spoke was no more. There was nothing but silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence. Combined with the winds and the leaves, unbearable pain, but I stuck with her words, for she had never given me a reason to not trust her.
Minutes into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, and nothing. No message, no sign, nothing. Wind turned to rain to calm sun to rain again to wind and rain, and the cycle continues. But so did the silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence.
Soon, I was ready to go home. I would simply be left with what ifs and what happened's and a bunch of other mysteries left unsolved. And as I gather my things, ready to go, there she was, standing before me, in all of her beauty.
A part of me wanted to hug her. But a bigger part of me wanted answers. But an even bigger part of was too mad to speak. So I stood in silence. Painful. Deadly. Deafening. Silence. Waiting for her to address me.
She smiled. She waved, then she disappeared. I did not know what type of emotion I wanted to feel. She came, she went, she spoke not a word.
Suddenly, I heard a message.
My fate was already sealed. Yours, it's still up in the air, up in your control. Had you tried to save me, your efforts would have been in vain, potentially hurting both of us for no reason. But I thank you for your efforts. I really do appreciate it. So long, hun.
Tears ran down my eyes, for she still had never given me a reason to not trust her. She was always my angel. She will always be my angel. And I never thanked her for being my angel. I had been mad at her. I had taken her for granted. And the only reason I wanted her saved was for my own personal gain. But the whole time, she was my angel. And I had never thanked her for being my angel...
Thank you, my angel.