2011

This year... man, it's been soooo good to me. Right off the bat, really.

Like, in January, I was introduced to the concept of "Winning." Jacko started it. No. Really. He did. One day he decided that "They don't win. I win." Then Charlie Sheen blew it up. Me? I'm still embracing it. Can't tell? Just look up.

March showed the fruits of the mindset, especially on March 29th. That day, I went out on a mission to get a job and I got hired, just like I said I would. Granted, I didn't start working until June, but it's okay, because in April and May, I was granted with many an opportunity that I probably would have otherwise missed out on had I been working. I started this blog, explored different hobbies, went to a poetry reading, hung out with great friends old and new, and... well, won.

June comes and I finally start working. The job, in and of itself, is ass, but with it came cash, and therefore the opening up of brand new opportunities, such as an improved expereince at the Impact Wrestling (TNA) house show, a trip to Atlantic City, a walk through the celebrity subspace know as Madame Tussaint's wax museum (yes, yes, all of these are still lost adventures that I never posted... call me lazy), and even a couple of very capable visits to Philly.

That's not to say that work has been all bad. I've met a few good people there, even a few that I would go as far as considering "friends." (We'll see how far that actually goes). I'm also physically stronger now due to work than I've been in years. It also inspired me (or frustrated me enough) to go head-first into NaNoWriMo and start up a novel that's far from finished. It reminded me of why I love writing so much... the sheer adventure that I can create just by turning sentences into paragraphs, paragraphs into pages, pages into Chapter... etc... it's an amazing feeling that I'm glad I got back in touch with.

December didn't really provide much... exept the concept of Christmas shopping. It was the first time I went Christmas shopping for more than two people, and it was an interesting experience. I found out that while I suck at wrapping gifts, I am pretty good at giving gifts. And seeing the smiles on their faces when the recipents received their gifts... priceless.

So all in all, 2011 was a phenomenal year for me. There were a few frustrations here and there, but for the most part, the year was awesome, epic, and full of win.

And that, I saw so long to 2011, and hello to 2012! I'm not worried about an asteroid destroying the planet o the planet imploding upon itself so much as I am worried about some idiot accidentally hitting the "Nuke Every Continent Simultaneously" button. If the world comes to an end, it'll be because of us humans. But I really ain't all that worried about it. We'll be find. World's gonna end on some random year, like 56883 or something...

So cheers to another year of fun and jokes, epicness and awesomeness, friends and family, love and positivity, wins and success!

Lost SCW Videos

 the following are some matches that I should have been uploaded

Marko vs. Li'l Scar

Marko vs. Jacko

Jacko vs. Convict (SCW Title Shot)

Convict vs. Jacko (SCW Title Shot)

Jacko vs. J-Fury

And that's all I have... SCW will return... next year.

2012.

Song of the Day

I'm not even from Brooklyn. But damn, if this song isn't hard.

What amazes me is that this apparently came out in 2009. Throne aside, why is Jay-Z consistently putting out rap that actually appeals to my ears? Why is Jay-Z still putting out amazing ass music?

Why is this beat sooooo fucking amazing? Why does this beat make me want to go out and represent Brooklyn? I'm from Queens...

Runner Up... This little discovery...

Randomly enough, I have at least 4 more posts to post before this year ends...

4chan vs. 9gag

So I randomly noticed that 4chan decided to bomb 9gag with ridiculousness (and that's putting it lightly).

A little research shows that the reason 4chan decided to bomb 9gag with ridiculousness is because 9gag allegedly claimed to be the source of most or all Internet Memes that we know and love.

And 4chan didn't take kindly to that kind of claim, especially with 9gag apparently making some kind of serious cash towards these meme and using them and abusing them when, apparently, they didn't even come up with this stuff.

My take on the situation?

Well, I definitely heard of 4chan before I heard of 9gag. Heard of 4chan since about 2008-09. Just learned of 9gag this year. I also know that 4chan has apparently been the source of memes for quite a while.

Also, 4chan's FaceBook page is waaaaaaaaaaaaaay funnier than 9gag's FaceBook page. I'm glad I discovered  it.

And now there's a war between the two sites, which has apparently been wrecking 9gag's basic functions, such as signing up and posting stuff. Crazy thing is... can't you post anything you want on 4chan? without the need of signing up or even revealing your identity? So it's not even like 9gag can strike back with shit that hasn't already been 1up'd by 4chan itself.

The war has a "pointlessness" to it, but only because, well... in the end, I don't see how 9gag wins. Sure, 9gag may get more votes in polls on being better than 4chan, but that's just because of marketing. Ask 50 Cent; marketing can save your ass from anything and anyone. (seriously, how did 50's career not die going up against D-Block? marketing...)

Ultimately, I see 9gag shutting down its functions again until they just admit whatever they need to admit, be it that they're not better, that they didn't originate the majority of meme, or just simply defeat...

Personally, though? I'm rooting for the /b/rothers! They have apparently been entertaining me on the low for quite some time without me even knowing it, and as far as I know, they probably are the reason 9gag even exists.

Internet Censorship

So there's talk of the Entertainment Industry pushing the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), which could censor the Internet as well as cripple and stop websites such as YouTube and FaceBook, limit the use of blogs and vlogs, and could force Google to blacklist certain websites, keeping people from searching for them, finding them, and even viewing them.

Let's say this passes through Congress and becomes a legit law that does in fact cripple the Internet as we know it. Are we willing to blacklist the Entertainment Industry by simply not watching TV and going to movies and buying music until they get the message?

It's a relatively non-violent way of protesting this shit if it were to pass. We simply make the Entertainment Industry BLEED the greed blood that keeps them running (MONEY). It would also allow money to go into necessary things. Like food and bills. It would also force the hands of soooo many, especially advertisers that make money through the Entertainment Industry.

But you know what? I think Americans are too hypnotized to be able to do even that.

To censor the Internet is a pretty blatant breaking of our first amendment rights of free speech and freedom of press. The biggest thing, however, is that the Internet is such a capable enabler and such a great teacher for those who want to learn. Internet is easily the best school in the world, allowing you to learn practically anything you want for free. And the Government clearly doesn't want us to learn, which is why the Government will have no problem passing this, because if people have the ability to learn, then people have the potential to see how full of shit the Government actually is.

Long story short, we, the citizens of the United States of America, should be daring them to pass this. We should be daring them to limit our use of the Internet, daring them to see if we, the citizens of the United States of America, won't make them bleed. We shouldn't have to plead to Congress to not pass this. We should be daring them to pass this and see what happens to their wallets.

But, unfortunately, like with all bullshit that ever happens, we will get upset for three seconds and simply adjust to the bullshit that we've been given.

I could go sooooooo much deeper into this rabbit hole in terms of money, entertainment, education, voting, etc. But I'm just going to keep it simple and end with this...

If this bill actually passes, please don't remain in your hypnosis. Open your eyes, and more importantly, open your mind to how ridiculous things are getting...

When the End Shows Up

The end.
We don't know where it is.
So I challenge you.
I dare you.
To find it.

Go ahead.
Spend your whole time
trying to find it.
Trying to guess,
Where this end may be.
Over here?
Over there?
Anywhere?
Everywhere?
Or maybe nowhere at all...

But what begins must end,
And where there's an end, there's a beginning, right?
Well, one of those statements
Haven't necessarily been proven to be true...

Especially when you lose someone
Irreplaceable.
And you look for that person
That can fill those shoes,
Those big, big shoes.

Unfortunately, you can't find that person.
Just like how you can't find that end.
And then maybe, that's when you realize...

Something isn't right.
You've always been told one thing.
And when it gets to it,
You find out you've been lied to.

And you wonder.

And you wonder.

And you wonder....

Then you stop wondering,
And you call it an end.
And you find yourself in limbo,
Between one moment of ponder
And another.
Trying to prove things right.
Trying to prove things wrong.
Trying to prove... something.

You're just looking for a truth,
A way,
An understanding.

But you can't find it.
Just like the end.
Or that beginning that's supposed to match the end.

Nothing. Ever. Found.
Because you can't find nothing.
So you can find everything.
And you started to think again.

And your end shows up.

My Words

With all the words out there, how do I make you see mine?
Do I take a picture of them and post them on a sign?
Do I mail them to a famous chick and have her read them all?
Do I quit because my words aren't destined to be read at all?

Maybe my words go unread since I supersaturate
The paper and the pages as I try to instigate
The depths of your mind that you'd rather keep asleep
Since it's easier to navigate the shallowness you seek.

Maybe it's the topic that you just don't care about.
Maybe it's the fact that it's reading like I shout.
Maybe it's not the words, but that they're linked to my name,
Or maybe it's the fact that this isn't a game.

I may never understand how pics gets more views than my words,
Or how I'm auto-losing to those stupid Angry Birds.
Trends come and go, and my words may never pop,
But as long as I'm inspired, my words will never stop.

The Fence

Obstacles.
I used to laugh at them.
Until I met this one thing...
A chain link fence...

I looked up.
Didn't seem that tough.
But it was the timing...
Time, there was none.

Death approached.
This fence stood in my way.
There was no turning back...
Only one way out...

Climbing.
But not so much.
I tried to go up...
I went back down...

Enemies.
They want me dead.
And here I am stalling...
Incapable of climbing...

Crunch time.
The spikes are ready.
They wanted me mangled...
Millions of pieces...

Grab it.
One hand, then the other.
Up, one foot, two...
Slowly... surely... fearfully...

Ascend.
But still, very... very... slowly.
Can't even look down...
Can't even look down...

Will I Ever Let Go?

Will I ever let go
And fall in the abyss?
Will I ever stop
In order to move on?
Will I ever drop it
And move on up?

I may be stuck here,
But it's much less scary
Than the idea that some day
You won't be there.
Fuck courage,
I prefer being stranded.

Here. Hopeless.
Process. Endless.
You won't save me.
I won't save me.
Someone please
Cut my fingers off.

50 Questions That Can Help Free Your Mind

I jacked these questions from here, so if you want to answer them without seeing my answers, then you click either that link or this link. There's no difference, they all go to the same webpage. 

Below are my answers to these questions....

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

I'd say somewhere between 18 and 21. I'm a go with 20.

2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

My experiences have proven to me that never trying is much worse than failing because if you never try, then it's an auto-fail, and you don't learn that first hand experience that the fail was going to teach you.

3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

We do so many things that we don't like because that's the way life has been set up for the most part, where we work, we pay bills, and do a bunch of things that we simply don't like doing due to its necessity. We like so many things that we don't do because either it was actually done once and sure enough, it was fun, but since it's not a necessity to life, we don't get to do it enough, or it gives off the perception of being something that we like, but since we never tried it, we don't know for sure if we like it or not.

4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?

At this rate, it's about equal... there are things I said that I'd do and haven't done yet, and there are things that I didn't say I would do and done them without the words to announce to the world that I'd do it. Regardless, I think I would have said more than I've done, but only by a little bit.

5. What is the one thing you would most like to change about the world?
I would like to eliminate greed. 

This was a toss up between greed and religion, and I figure that if you get rid of religion, which stops a number of wars from happening, then you'd still have greedy fucks absorbing too much resources and therefore leaving others assed out. With greed eliminated, religious wars would probably still be less numerous because then people wouldn't be so greedy about converting others to their religion, and maybe they'll actually practice what they preach.

6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Fiction writing. The Marko Man series would make me billions, and I'd like to believe that I'd share it to help others get off the ground and do things, but... you know... human nature, and "you never know until you get there," and stuff like that.

7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
I cannot settle for doing dishes all my life. I'm settling for now because it's paying the bills and enabling me to do things that I otherwise wouldn't be able to do, such as the slow but steady movement towards doing what I believe in.

8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I would probably take many, many more risks, playing with odds that could have me catch fire.

9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?

I let it spiral out of control with the passing of my father, allowing that to negatively affect me longer and harder than it should have. Now, I'm slowly but surely taking back hold of the reigns.

10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?

I think I'm more worried about doing things that I want to do than either of those.

11. You are having lunch with three people you respect and admire. They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend. The criticism is distasteful and unjustified. What do you do?
I try to figure out why they feel this way about this person. If the criticism is unjustified, then that probably means that there is something about her that they don't know that may need to be brought to the light.

12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
Do onto others as you would want others to do onto you.

13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Absolutely.

14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
I see insanity almost all the time. And there are plenty of times where creativity comes out of it. So yes.

15. What is something you know you do differently than most people?
Amazing... because I feel like I do so many things different from most people that I can't even name one thing that I do differently... or maybe, it's not what I do differently... maybe it's he things that people do that I don't do... therefore... I think I entertain myself differently.

16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?

Because I am Epic.

Additionally, because I have no problem being myself. I used to say "I'm unique," but everyone's unique these days... kinda misses the point... the point is to be yourself.

17. What is one thing have you not done that you really want to do? What’s holding you back?
Ahhh... that girl... oh wait, you said thing?

Well, then... I want to learn how to make video games. The only thing holding me back is myself, but I honestly just have to put up a bit of money and truly dedicate myself to learning how to make games from scratch (or as far as I can find scratch).

18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?

It's possible... I'll figure that out in a few short months.

19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?

Well, there's Japan, because they're apparently awesome when it comes to new technology.

And then there's Ecuador. Because it's warm. All the time.

As for states... Florida, Georgia, and South Carolina seem like ideal places weather wise. I also hear everything's cheaper down there.
But I frikin love New York. It would be totally awesome if I could earn a salary that let's me live here comfortably.

20. Do you push the elevator button more than once? Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
I actually know that elevator buttons don't actually work.

21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
I would totally rather be a worried genius, simply because I put so much value in intelligence. That's not to say that there's no pluses to being a joyful simpleton...

22. Why are you, you?
I think, therefore, I am.

I'm me because... well, I think I'm a negatively produced product of my environment... I kinda like doing things opposite of what everyone else is doing because I find that a lot of things other people do is ineffective or something like that. Or maybe it's just as simple as me not liking what everyone else is doing... I don't know. I'm just weird, and that's why I'm me.

23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
Hell yeah. Shit, I talk to myself, I'm already the kind of friend that I want as a friend.

24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?

They both suck, but it would seem as though losing touch with a good friend next door gives a better opportunity to reunite.

25. What are you most grateful for?

Life. It's a wonderful experience.

26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?

I'd have to flip a coin. My old memories are great, but I can't help but think that the best is yet to come...

27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Depends on how fast you accepted one plus one equaling two...

28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
My greatest fear is death. Death stopped by and took my father. So...

29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset? Does it really matter now?
5 years ago, I wasn't really upset about anything. But 4 years ago... holy shit.

But no, it doesn't matter.

30. What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
I don't have a "happiest childhood memory." Not that my childhood wasn't happy. It's just that I don't feel like going back to find something that made me the "happiest," because within a week or two, the "happiest" memory will be something else.

31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
Either when I was writing during those 3 days off for NaNoWriMo, those two games of Marvel vs. Capcom 1 where I played the best Strider Hiryu of my life, or hanging with the bros. in Atlantic City (still ain't drop those Lost Adventures...)

32. If not now, then when?
Eventually. Yes, yes, I know... it might be too late then.

33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?

The ground you've made to get to the point where you can viable achieve it. (if you haven't achieved $500,000 yet... are you willing to risk the $400,000 you to get there?)

34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?

Ahh... those moments where I looked into her eyes and our eyes said everything that mattered... if only I could bring that magic back.

35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
Because it's not about supporting love, it's about controlling people.

36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
No, because what if what we consider good is evil and evil, good?

37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?

Yup. I'd invest the million so that it would generate income for life.

38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?

More work that I'd actually enjoy doing... because then, it's not work.

39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?

Yup.

40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?

I do not remember.

41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
Ronald, Jeffrey, Justin, Joe, Nicole, Sandra, Sally... assuming that I have a 24 hour period to make these visits...

42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
Nope.

43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
Being alive is breathing, eating, etc... life processes and such.

Truly living is actually doing things that you want to do... maybe not everything that you want to do, because that would imply perfection, which does not exist, but doing more than a few things that you want to do, that you love doing. Or maybe, truly living is simply enjoying yourself, even if you're doing things that you don't like.

44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
Three days before the shit hits the fan, because if you do just go ahead and do what you know is right when the shit hits the fan, it just might be too late.

45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
We fear rejection and embarrassment and disappointment.

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I dunno, I do a lot things regardless of judgment anyway...

47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?

This morning. Apparently, most humans breathe incorrectly. I'm trying to correct it.

48. What do you love? Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
I love writing fiction. My recent venture of NaNoWriMo reminded me of this love.

49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
Nope, nope, and nope.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
I'm part of the 99%, so decisions are obviously being made for me. That said, the decisions that I can make for myself by myself are decisions that I make for myself, by myself.

Standing Before a Fantasy

Your eyes, your lips,
Your thighs, your hips,
Those are the things I desire.
Games are played,
Dumb decisions are made,
But my insides are still on fire.

I once made you scream
In an incredible dream.
These thoughts I just cannot escape.
Dreamed I was your best,
But then you just left,
And I thought that I was too late.

You reach out for me,
Your hands I can see,
Our eyes meet and grapple a stare.
I let you grab hold,
But I stay un-bold,
Lack of words go and prove that I'm scared.

Tell you I should,
But those illusions were good.
I love that fantastic feel.
High risk, high reward,
I could miss, I could score,
And maybe I'll make this thing real.

Cold

So cold...
My skin... freezing...
Cold sweat... dripping ice...
Yearning for heat... your heat...
Below zero... all over...
Except... my heart...
It feels for you...
Despite the blizzard...
The arctic ways...
Of the world around me...
Won't keep me from the desire...
Of love...

So cold...
Brain freeze is imminent...
Can't even think straight...
Can't even... think...
Memory is failing...
Basic functions... difficult...
And that's why my heart...
Takes over...

So cold...
I can't even think... warm thoughts...
Forgot... what warmth is...
I know no tropics...
Sunrays... so far away...
Not rain... snow and ice...
Not gentle... violent winds...
Winter strikes me...
Over... and over... again...
My body... shut down...
My eyes... frozen open...
Yet I only see... with my heart...

So cold...
My idiot heart... wanders...
In a quest... for survival...
It reaches out for you...
Hoping you take my hand...
Lead me... to eternal paradise...
Not the illusion... the actual...
Love...

Late nites

Why do I enjoy late nites? 'Cause late nites enjoy me.
From fakest light to darkest dark, all of it I see.
Others rest as my sleep pattern cracks and gets destroyed,
As I simmer in solitude that I truly enjoy.

The world is such a different place when no one is awake,
The scene around me, so serene, and calls for no headache.
The silence is appealing and the golden really shines,
The thinking is real fluent during these a.m. times.

Honestly, I love the sun, but night sure has its ways,
Allowing me to obtain peace during my darkest days.
For truth in luminosity is never truly bound,
As some things shine so brightly that in dark its best found.

There is no one to judge me here in this blatant black,
Metaphors allow me to smoke my mental crack.
While I love people, people love me, and I love my light,
Mistress of dark will always have a special place at night.

If I Wrote a Poem

If I wrote a poem for every heart I touched,
There's no way the poem would past the second line.
But that's merely the bitch in me talking,
For in reality, I've probably saved many a soul.
And in that line, lies an arrogant asshole,
But somewhere in between I could find
The real me, the true me, the me I need to be
For me to finally see everything I ever wanted to see.

If I wrote a poem for every fight I won,
Then the poem would be of decent length
But if I wrote a poem for every fight that mattered,
The poem would be of a similar length.
If I wrote a poem for every fight I won
With the fight being that of one that mattered,
Then there's a guarantee
That the poem would not exist.

If I wrote a poem for the pain,
Then the poem would last for years.
Floods would start via the rain
From the overflow of tears.
That sick feeling in my stomach
Would have to get a line
As I describe in detail
The emotion of every time.

If I wrote a poem for the love,
Then the poem would last for years.
Water would drop from above
From the overflow of tears.

That sick feeling in my stomach
Would have to get a line
As I describe in detail
The emotion of every time.

Journeys Are Stupid

"Journeys are stupid,"
You try to reason to yourself,
but the fact is,
You love the journey.
You just hate the ends.
Either the satisfaction is short lived,
Or the result is failure.

And you would think you'd learn,
But you never do
Because you go on another journey,
and either get the short-term win,
Or the long-term loss.
And then you come to the conclusion...

"Journeys are stupid,"
You totally agree.
But not totally at all,
because the memories made,
the souls touched,
the new things learned,
They're all worth something,
something greater than the result,
And everything else
you're conscious of.

But that's the problem.
You don't live in the ideal,
You don't live in the subconscious,
You don't live in the hidden realms
Of true knowledge and understanding.
You live in the here.
You live in the now.
You live in the reality.
You live in a life
That consistently kicks you ass.
So you look back at everything
With the most pessimistic outlook
And you think to yourself

"Journeys are stupid."
because you have nothing to show for it.
Nothing of value.
Nothing of worth.
Everything that you ever gained from anything?
Intangible, you can only tell,
but you can't show.
You can't demonstrate.
All of the lessons,
Internal, spiritual, emotional.

You can become as wise as you want to be,
Spread you advice to others,
urging the people to not make
The same mistakes you made,
And somehow, that feels good
To be able to share something
That can keep other people out of harm's way,
But the problem with all of that is,
As much as you block harm from others,
You accept harm for yourself,
And then you realize...

"Journeys are stupid."
You keep coming back to this statement.
At this point, you're convinced
That you have obtained a truth from this statement.
From the broken heart,
To the lost cash,
From the failed attempts,
To the empty fulfillment,
Everything comes back to that statement,
A statement that you hold true at this point.

And there is nothing that could tell you otherwise.
No matter what friend tells you it's gonna be alright,
No matter who appreciated your advice and benefited from it,
No matter if it put you at the right place to avoid a worse fate,
No matter when everything finally comes together for you,
No matter the reasons that you had to go through all of that first place,
The statement of the day holds true.
But you look back anyway.
One more time.
Just to see.
And you know what?

"Journeys are stupid."

Song o the Day

The song of the day is Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N' Roses.

This is the first song I ever played in a Guitar Hero game. And I fell in love with it immediately... without ever catching the name of the song.

Years later, a co-worker blesses me with the name of this song as it played on the restaurant radio.

And I feel reunited with a lost love.

Now if only I had a legit mp3 player to play it on... (mine has a broken volume button, so I can't increase volume... booooo....)

Runner up:

Don't judge me for going from Guns N' Roses to Jay-Z.

I can hear what I wanna hear, post what I wanna post,
Steer where I wanna steer and coast where I wanna coast.

'Cause it's alright.

NaNoWriMo Reflections

So NaNoWriMo's over, and I finished with a solid 50,072 words at 8:30 pm on Wednesday, November 30th. Awesome.

This was my second attempt at NaNoWriMo. I believe that I mentioned somewhere that I failed miserably last year, but this year was amazingly successful. It was an amazing experience. That said, it's totally possible that I will never do NaNoWriMo again.

You see, I think the concept of NaNoWriMo is to get people to write when they can't write or won't write or something like that. Generally, I don't have much of a problem writing, so long as I'm interested in the material that I'm writing about. The Marko Man series has seen hundreds of stories, thousands of chapters, and billions of words because it's subject matter that I care about. And then there were non-Marko Man stories that were started and never finished because somewhere along the line, I stopped giving a shit. And ultimately, I have no regrets when it comes to not finishing a story that I didn't care for because if I didn't give much of a shit to write it, then readers probably would have given less of a shit to read it. Hell, half of the time, the things that I do write and put care into it doesn't get read because it's too long or what have you. So... yeah.

Still, this was a great experience. It is something that I should do again, provided I have the inspiration in terms of the story to write, but just like with this piece, in no way will I be limiting the story to just 50,000 words (unless that's the best length for it). The worst part, though, had to have been the end. Within the last 5 days, I had 25,000 words to go, and man did I have to pump out some shit to reach the goal. I was pretty much coercing myself to write more than I naturally wanted to do, which is something else. I think during the third day of that five day rush, my brain felt like it was sizzling after a given writing session. Pushing 2000 or 3000 words furiously, and then being done with it like, "whoa... crazy."

But then again, the best part of this thing was the last 5 days as well, specifically that Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday that I had off... I had pretty much isolated myself from the rest of the world to sit down in front of my computer and create my own world (not to mention have breaks from this created world that I was working on and playing video games and watching awesome videos). When I came back to the real world that Wednesday for work, I felt sooo refreshed. Even when I went to work yesterday, I was feeling much, much better than usual.

So yeah... NaNoWriMo? Great experience, like I already said. I may or may not do it again... me not doing it ever again in life wouldn't exactly ruin my life, but I have to say, NaNoWriMo reminded me of how much I love writing fiction, regardless of whether my stories count as "literature" or not. Sure, I've been writing a lot. Between this blog, poetry, the wrestling editioral column that I do on TNAStars.com, and the walls of text that I throw down on FaceBook (and Shoryuken.com during blue moons), I haven't missed a word. I even wrote a few (relatively insignificant) short stories somewhere in between when I was going through this phase of needing some kind of validation for my work by trying to submit "literature" (aka shit not in my style) to random publications and stuff. But the last time I wrote a fictional story of length? Well, I went through my notes on FaceBook, apparently, the last word of Marko Man's Untitled Internet Finale was July 18th, 2010. That was more than a year ago. Quite a hiatus from novel writing (I mean, the UIF may not have started off as a novel, but it sure as fuck turned into one, so yeah). So this... this was kinda like a return to my roots... and boy did it feel good to return to those roots while exploring something slightly different from what I'm used to writing.

What's interesting though, however, is how I'm now reconsidering that decision to make Marko Man a web comic series. Writing... it feels so good and so natural to me... it's the one thing that I know for a fact I can do well under a given circumstance. It's the one thing that I know is mine as a talent (or maybe a very, very, very refined skill), and it's the one thing I love doing at any given moment. You take my video games away from me, and I'm fine as long as I can write.

That said... well... I don't really know how to end this.

"But Mark, didn't you just talk about how writing is your first love and how it comes natural to you?"

Yes. Yes, I did.

Illusion's Void

You can act like you have no fear,
But I know you know the end is near.
You're being tested, that's a fact,
But at this rate, there's no going back.
In your mind you may have passed,
Just as visible as gas
You lost your name to play a game
In victory you tried to claim.

The world has levels, thin and deep,
But you were on a winning streak.
Letter sent to you in mail
Set up for a giant fail.
That end was in fact the end,
You lose, you lose, you lose again.
That end was in fact the end,
You lose, you lose, you lose again.