July 5, 2012

Mental Time Travel

I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I had let the winds blow me the other way.I sometimes wonder how I would do things differently if I knew then what I knew now.
Hindsight is always 20/20, maybe even better.
It's too perfect; you've seen the consequences and now you want to go back.

I try not to focus on the time travel or the difficulty in the lesson.
I try to focus only on what was taught.
Most of the time, that focus is successful.
Most of the time.

And then I have times where something just randomly comes up and has me randomly thinking.
Thinking about what I have, thinking about what I don't.
Thinking about what I could have had, thinking about what I would have missed.
And all this thought, it isn't too much, but it is.

And when I take these mental trips back in time, I notice a pattern.
It's always different eras and chunks of time that I analyze.
Either that, or specific, life changing events that were the difference between life and death.
Something so general or something so specific.

And the impact of what these things have done to me is insane.
And the idea that if I would have done something correctly at one point could have wrecked me for the rest
Is something that blows my mind for an interesting amount of time.
Because certain lessons were learned only after certain lessons were learned.

And sometimes I ask myself this pretty insane question that you legit can't even ask all people.
Like, this question literally only applies to a certain type of person.
And the question that, if answered out loud, could probably destroy lives is,
Knowing what you know, which one would you choose?

And I almost always answer it differently every time I ask myself.
Because I always take into account a different butterfly.
Or maybe a different butterfly of the present affected the answer.
But the answer is never ever constant and neither is the reasoning.

And I want to come to a conclusion, but this can never be concluded.
With each butterfly, each thought, each era, each event, each change
Comes new variables and paths that lead me to a different answer.
And the only thing to conclude is that I will never find the truth in the past.

No comments:

Post a Comment